How do you go back?

It has been a month since I deactivated my Facebook account and four days since I last opened messenger. I needed to take a breather after everything that has happened and found out.

I have been wary of myself, of the things I do, and I am aware that there are a lot of things I should improve on. I had no idea it was that bad. I’m gonna leave it at that. But the point is, I needed to get away from everything to try and look at my life at a different perspective.

At first, I saw how awful I am, just like what they told me. It was bad enough that I was feeling unworthy for the longest time already. Thank God I saw the light eventually. Things are not as awful as it looked. I may have just overreacted. I am a work in progress and there is nothing wrong with that.

But what now?

How do I go back?

Things are different now. Once I go back, I know that he won’t be there anymore. I don’t know, maybe I’m just delaying it. I’m delaying it because I know it would hurt and he wouldn’t care. But to be clear, it’s not just him. It goes to everyone too. It feels different and now more than ever,

I feel like I only have me.

;

Rest but never stop

//disclaimer: just saw this on twitter

//currently going through some things; still self-debating if I should post it here

Three times the charm

I fell in love when I was 17. He was my best friend at the time. Everything went well at first but fell apart eventually because we both lacked maturity. It was painful losing him. It took a while before I got over that hurt and finally let him go. I realized that if you hold something too close, you’ll lose grip of it all the more.

I fell in love again when I was 21. I knew him only for a short time, but it did not make me love him any less. It was a disaster. I learned that something that starts on the wrong foot will probably end badly too.

I was 22 when I met someone new. I was most careful not to develop feelings this time. We became friends and eventually, he became my go-to person. It was pure joy until he revealed that there is a girl. Pain struck and that’s when I completely knew that I care for him more than a friend. I realized that someone could be everything you wanted and still not be the one.